Too Good to Leave, Too Bad to Stay by Mira Kirshenbaum

This is a best selling relationship manual for those who just can’t figure out whether their relationship is worth staying in or not. It’s the book you reach for after all else has failed.

Personally, I love it. It’s very clear with respect to telling you what has a chance at working and what (in all likelihood) does not. It discusses topics such as how to recognize when someone is playing  a game and what you need to do, as the responsible person that you are, before you call it quits. Or stay, the decision is always left up to you.

Based on the premise that 1/5 Americans are stuck in relationship ambivalence, the book goes through diagnostic steps (from the most obvious ones to the trickier ones), discusses specific cases as examples, provides guidelines (i.e. conclusions based on how you answered each diagnostic step) and provides answers to questions that the reader is bound to have, such as: “how can you tell me to leave”? or “what if I still love him?”

Example:

Diagnostic question #1: Think about that time when things between you and your partner were at their best. Looking back, would you now say that things were really very good between you then?………

Guideline #1: If, when your relationship was at its “best”, things between you didn’t feel right or work well, the prognosis is poor. I feel comfortable saying that you’ll feel you’ve discovered what’s right for you if you choose to leave. Quick take: If it never was very good, it’ll never be very good.

It also discusses games that we play with ourselves:

The Waiting Trap: ….say you’re waiting for a bus. If you wait for 10 minutes, you immediately convert that waiting time into a kind of investment. Because you’ve invested 10 minutes in waiting for the bus, it feels stupid not to invest another 10 minutes. Before you know it, you’ve invested 20 minutes, and with an investment like that, how could you not keep waiting more and more. This is how you end up waiting 45 minutes for a bus to take you somewhere you could walk to in 15 minutes….[Sally] was married to her alcoholic husband for 32 years, because she was a victim of the waiting trap….

And, then, the author gives you concrete advice regarding how NOT to become a victim of the waiting trap.

In a nutshell: the books looks at deciding whether to stay or go with sensitivity, but also logic, based on experience and data gathered from other couples and their results. It looks at of the all angles, all of the tough issues without allowing you to get mired in a fearful, emotional bog. And if you are in one, it will help you get out…one way or the other.

Photo credit: from author’s site and Pinterest

Book review: The Psychopath Test

Reblogged from Book of words:

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With a book dedicated to analyzing psychopaths, a group that often brings to mind stereotypical terms such as ‘deranged,’ ‘emotionless’ and ‘dangerous,’ it is hard not to be attracted to it.

I was half expecting to read about the infamous Jack the Ripper or some other brutal serial killers, only to have author Jon Ronson dig deep into the mind boggling business for psychopaths.

Read more… 405 more words

This is SO going on my reading list...

Does the Noise in My Head Bother You? by Steven Tyler

Steven Tyler‘s autobiography is not for the faint of heart. Goody-goodies stay away…or expect to put in a lot of time, because you will not be able to read this book all at once and will spend a chunk of time shaking your head in dismay.

It took me a long time to read it. I kept looking for depth (the guy’s well into his 60′s, so if he wasn’t deep before, you’d think that with age, he may have gained some). And some parts of the book are so far from where I want to be that I couldn’t even go there in a book. I had to keep coming back to it, determined to finish it.

Not that there aren’t any readable parts, but they are few and far between; especially after the first chapter and during the first half of the book. The writing has a strong tendency to lack heart. It seems like you’re just reading a long list of stuff that happened to a giant ego that’s proud of having done some seriously deranged things; things you’d rather not know that other people actually do. (Read parts of Chapter 2, for example, you’ll know what I’m talking about.) It’s mostly empty and devastating: this happened, then that happened, after that the other thing happened….crime, sex, drugs, music, sex, drugs, crime, sex, sex, sex, drugs, drugs, music….really…sad, disturbing and boring.

And, now, for the positive side of it all. There are parts that are interesting and, even, have heart, which are the parts that draw you in. For example, when he writes about the fairies in the forest around his parent’s cottage or trying to communicate with aliens when he was a child…clearly, he was imaginative right from the start…or when he writes with passion about music in the first chapter. Or, the honesty in describing detox:

“While you’re going through detox, you’ve got to believe in something other than a pill craving and fuck me and fuck you and I’ve got to have it. You can knock the idea of some Higher Power, but you’ve got to believe in something or you’re just going to sink back into the muck. You’ve go to try and see things from a different place. I’m now thirty light years away from that person I was the, yet twelve years later I sill had to get tweaked again.”

On page 243, he talks about how he came up with the lyrics to “Dude Looks Like a Lady” (interesting because you get a glimpse of the creative process) and why he stood behind them (“…in a commercial world, it’s good, and not only is it good, but it gets under the hood of what everyone hides: the gay thing”). Chapters 11 and 12, may also be interesting as he talks about what touring is really like (exhausting, pricey and you’re little more than a money making machine) and what being married or having a significant other in the industry is like (ultimately, it’s a case of back to being lonely). In a nutshell, the second half of the book is better; more real.

Oprah recently did an hour-long show interviewing Steven Tyler. They talked about the book, among other things.

(Note to self: don’t read rock’n'roll biographies if you can’t handle it.) (Further note to self: lighten up!)

Photo credit

Why We Broke Up

Reblogged from Books and Bowel Movements:

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We broke up because he left the inner layer of his camouflage coat in my hall closet and I don't shoot animals, or hook them. 

Why We Broke Up by Daniel Handler (art by Maira Kalman) is one of my new favorite young adult books.  I'm really picky when it comes to young adult books, probably much more picky than I am with adult books which means on a scale from one to ten - I am a giant horned cactus of picky.

Read more… 1,358 more words

Right, so just when I was sure that there wasn't any intelligent literature for teens, someone proved me wrong...cool.:)

Adieu mes quinze ans by Claude Campagne

I’ve never been a fan of North American literature for teens. It lacks intelligence. Especially, in recent years…if I see one more book that involves vampires or werewolves; over-the-top, special-effect-type drama; situations that wouldn’t happen in real life…well, I don’t know, I suppose my head will explode or something. Luckily, there are alternatives.

“Adieu mes quinze ans” is a book for teens that I first read when I was 7 or 8 years old and I’ve loved it ever since. I’ve guarded it fiercely in my (unfortunately) reduced book collection all these years and return to it regularly. It is a book that involves mystery, but it unfolds gently, with honesty, tenderness, intelligence and respect for its characters and reader. Within the first chapter, the reader is drawn into the story….

Fanny is 15 years old, attends a Lycee 7 km from her home and takes care of her 20-year-old brother, William (who works as a carpenter), and their grandfather (a retired sailor), whom they call Captain. They live simply, in a town called Fauvembergues; in a house they call Sundial, a small part of the property that used to be owned by local gentry.

One day, Captain invites a Norwegian girl to live with them, but is elusive about why. Fanny becomes worried about the changes this stranger will bring to the peaceful home. Right away, it seems to Fanny that Ingvild may take over everything she loves. Including Yann, a young man who is new to their town and has slowly become a part of their family. Seems like everyone is captivated  by Ingvild. Especially, Yann.

And, then, there’s that letter from Yann’s mother that questions his decision to stay in Fauvembergues…”wouldn’t you do better to give up your search altogether? There’s nothing but disappointment waiting for you my boy. I told you that that man was only informed about certain…” And that’s all.

It seems that only the Captain and Yann know what’s going on.

All that Fanny knows is that something very profound has been set in motion. Something that needs to be handled with care and that will change her and Sundial in unexpected ways.

Go the Fuck to Sleep by Adam Mansbach

I LOVE kids. I often ask God why I can’t have any.

Kids love me. It is not unusual for them to follow me around as if I were the Pied Piper.

But, I can understand some to the frustration that comes from being around small children. So does the author of “Go the Fuck to Sleep”.

The book is written in verse from the perspective of a frustrated parent whose child refuses to go to sleep. The first two lines of each verse begins much like something you’d read to a child to persuade them to sleep; the second two lines express the frustration and refer to all the ways that young children try to get out of sleeping. Then, it just moves into the frustration of having a whole evening ruined.

“The tiger reclines in the simmering jungle,

The sparrow has silenced her cheep,

Fuck your stuffed bear, I’m not getting you shit,

Close your eyes. Cut the crap. Sleep.”

You will be able to relate and you will laugh out loud.

The “clean” version of the book that I found at Octopus Books.

Related: What I should be doing - Samuel L. Jackson reads “Go the Fuck to Sleep”

Widow of the South by Robert Hicks

Guest Review by Nicole

Hello – I’m Nicole and I blog at Apples and Arteries.  I’m an avid reader and this year decided to set a goal of 50 Books in 2012.  I’m well on my way and am excited to share #15: Widow of the South by Robert Hicks.

This is a book that I’ve seen at the public library shelves and I finally decided to pick it up to take along for airplane reading.  I enjoy reading historical fiction and this was the first novel I’ve read that takes place during the Civil War.

The story is based on a true story and flashes back to 1864 during the Battle of Franklin in Tennessee, where 9,000 men lost their lives.  Carrie McGavok came to be known as the Widow of the South.  Her family home was commandeered for a Confederate field hospital and the McGavok’s are surrounded by death.

I don’t want to share too much about the characters and evolving storylines.  The novel is a mix of history, drama, relationships, agony, and freedom.  I hope you’ll pick it up and enjoy it as much as I did.

Thanks for the opportunity to guest post.  You can find me on Twitter (@applesarteries) and I hope you’ll stay tuned to my blog to read more about my 50 books and share your suggestions.

“Getting a Grip: On My Body, My Mind, My Self” by Monica Seles

Reviewed by Randi O’Hare, London ON

I love reading about real people’s lives—somehow, in reading about their experiences, I feel even more human.  I feel more connected to the human race, and less alone in my own struggles through life.  Reading the life stories of celebrities reminds us that they are human too.  This autobiography is no exception.

Monica Seles, as many people know, was a star tennis player from Yugoslavia.  She discovered tennis at an extremely young age, and to say that she had a knack for it was an understatement.  With her father as her coach throughout most of her career, she became the #1 ranked female tennis player in the world at the tender age of 19.  Then, in 1993 at a match in Hamburg Germany, Monica’s life was forever changed…or, as the chapter where she describes what happened suggests, was forever ‘derailed’.  A crazed fan of German player Steffi Graf’s stabbed Monica in the upper back, in an attempt to knock her out of the running and get Steffi into the position of #1 ranked female player.  Around the same time, Monica’s beloved father was diagnosed with terminal cancer.

What many people don’t know is that that tragic spring day in 1993 marked the beginning of a downward spiral into depression and binge eating for Monica.  To add insult to injury, the man who stabbed her received a sentence equivalent to 2 years probation..not even jail time!   With tennis suddenly gone from her life while she recovered, and not knowing how to manage her overwhelming emotions, she turned to food for comfort.  Engaging in gruelling workouts and training sessions during the day, she’d gorge herself on high calorie snacks and sweets at night.  The extra weight she gained put her at risk for various injuries, and made her return to tennis difficult.  Tennis had been a part of her life since she was about 6 years old.  She eventually realized she needed to learn how to live without tennis in her life, and in 2003, she decided to try something new:  Instead of focussing so much on diets, exercise and what she was eating, she decided to start dealing with ‘what was eating me’.   She finally started dealing with her grief over losing tennis and her father, and began to pay attention to what her quiet inner voice was telling her she needed:  fun,  solace and to stop pressuring herself.  She reconnected with old friends, took up fun new hobbies (bungee jumping..yikes!!), and travelled for fun.  Even more amazing?  Without hardly even trying, the extra weight she’d been fighting for YEARS to lose just melted away.

Here is one of my favourite segments of the book, in which Monica describes being in an underwater cage watching a great white shark:   “All I could  hear was the sound of my respirator, and all i  could see was this terrifying and beautiful animal that could end my life in two seconds if it wanted to.  This is life, I thought.  Right now, and now , and now….I am living right this very second.  The entire dive wasn’t longer than thirty minutes, but when I resurfaced I felt like I’d taken an extended trip to another universe.  For the rest of the day I felt as if a gentle buzz of energy surrounded me .  I wasn’t just living life—I was feeling it.  The sun seemed brighter, the ocean smelled stronger, and every noise was amplified.  It was like life as I knew it had been a two and it was now cranked up to an eight.  Everything seemed more real and I wanted to experience all of it.  The life I was creating for myself was turning out to be anything but small.” (p. 275).

“Getting a Grip” teaches a powerful life lesson, one that Monica learned slowly and painfully:  once we learn to just let go, and stop controlling so much, and deal with our emotional baggage…we will be free and experience a happiness beyond anything we have ever known.

 Photo credit 1, Photo credit 2, Photo credit 3

Ottawa, Canada by William P. McElligott

Ottawa, Canada is a gorgeous book that highlights the city’s beauty and all that it has to offer. With a foreword by Roy McGregor, the book is divided into the 4 seasons and is dominated by the extraordinary photography of it’s author, William P. McElligott.

From the National Arts Center to the Ottawa 67′s, from the Embassy of France to the Bluesfest, from Rockcliffe Park and the Glebe Community Centre to the Market and the Sound of Light International Fireworks Competition; it’s all here, Ottawa in all of it’s splendour.

(I’ve been living in Ottawa since I was 10 years old and didn’t realize just how beautiful and exciting this city really is.)

The text is written, in part, by the author and, in part, by his wife, Norma Lu Brown, and the book is completely made in Canada. It has 6 basic lay-outs that tend to work in contrasts, be it morning vs. evening, country vs. city and colours…ah, the spectacular colours…that further strengthen the impact of the book.

Mr. McElligott has worked as a sports photographer  (which really shows in the action shots…the power, the drive) and is, currently, an architectural photographer (which shows everywhere else).

There hasn’t been a book like this in over 20 years and after only just over 1 year, the book has sold 7,000 copies and has become a best seller (at 5,000 copies sold…and that’s without an agent). It has also won awards and has become the official book of the National Capital Commission, Ottawa Tourism and the City of Ottawa.

If you, like me, need a wake up call regarding how lucky you are to live in Ottawa (or you live elsewhere and would like a beautiful introduction to the city), Ottawa, Canada is sold in independent book stores all over town (or on the author’s website). And, if you’d like to meet the author, he will be doing signings in these stores throughout the month of June, starting on June 2 at Books on Beechwood.

P.S. please note that my pics of the photographs from the book don’t do them justice; they’re for illustration purposes only.

Small Space Organizing by Kathryn Bechen

This book approaches small space organization from the perspective of comfort/coziness and practicality. It’s a great book with great ideas for big and small, small-space problems.

It all starts with downsizing, and the author understands the emotional aspect of parting with things. Downsizing does not mean throwing everything out, just keeping the stuff that you truly love and putting it somewhere where you can enjoy it often.

She suggests  thinking about questions such as: how do you want to use the space? How do you want to live? What kind of  a climate do you live in? Then, writing down all  you want to do and get rid of before doing anything. Then, she gives tips on how to do it, room by room.

There is a chapter for one-room apartments and chapters on spaces with enough room to create all kinds of rooms, including a nursery or kids room, should you need one. Even libraries, patios, beverage bars and laundry rooms are considered.

The reader is asked questions based on what they need and value. Every bit of space is used up to beautify and store. It seems that the author could make a shoebox cozy and functional.

The book is intertwined with real life stories that prove various points and liven up the narrative.

The focus is on helping you decide what works best for you and providing tips and ideas on how to achieve that given the space you have. Organization is no.1 and the final word is on how to store the stuff that you absolutely can’t live without.

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P.S. don’t forget to enter the draw for the 3-book package. Contest closes this Wednesday at 6:00 p.m.. See post from May 15 for details.